DPS

Years fall to frozen grounds,
Gathering flocks of tired hearts,
Bound up to dry like a pack of cards
In tiny, shriveling sounds;

I watch the paint curl,
Reshaping my darkest colors,
Sinking, breathing acetone under my skin
Vivisecting perfume into odors;

A xenocide is born violently inside of me
Screaming to tear them apart,
To rip their soul and slice their heart,
Open their wide shut eyes to see;

It growls and roars in terrible pain,
A feeling of eternal hunger;
Its lust no vessel can contain,
Rape and pillage for murder.

 

Windborn I

I opened my eyes. Your silhouette was looming over me as I was laying down on the grassy fields of Athenry , the rays of light making a weird halo out of your wild hair. I tried to shun the sun away by covering my sight partly with my forearm, so I could see your face better. To my annoyance it did not help much, but the pressure on my eyes seemed to be less. I smiled innocently, trying to keep calm as a gust of wind sent chills through all my body.

“What are you doing in my dream ?” I asked out of the blue, already thinking of an answer to attribute to you. Unnecessary though since you moved sideways and sat next to me, quietly absorbing the energy of the earth, sniffing the air for the perfume of rain. I knew your ritual, and the image seemed extremely familiar. As I predicted, the sky became cloudy and I could see the shadows from the castle enlarging, devouring any playful light that got entangled in the grass. You chuckled but I did not laugh, I merely waited to see what was so funny.

“It’s not a dream, silly. I remember mentioning that I was researching on teleportation, after I explained to you that bilocation is impossible due to the laws of quantum mechanics, ” you said patiently. I couldn’t make sense of the memory I recalled and why it kept trying to pinch in as subtle as a sledgehammer, it was as if I were reliving it. “It’s not quite as fun as a solid kick to the head” you added, bursting into laughter. I nodded smilingly, getting the connection you were trying to make.

“So you succeeded? ” I asked with a doze of optimism in my voice. The conversation fell silent for a moment, I shrugged and continued with less enthusiasm. “I mean otherwise you wouldn’t be here, would you ?”

“I am not here. I am simply the product of your metaversed mind that projects my image in this space. My voice is what you’re hearing, ever since I got connected to the network,” you said giggling at my silliness, and you were right. I was naive enough to believe that a young brilliant student like you would accomplish what experienced, world known scientists could not. You had to be an illusion since you weren’t changed a bit, even though more than three years passed without me seeing you, at the end of our adolescent stage of life. We parted ways, taking a vow like children, wanting to be friends forever, despite knowing deep down inside that maybe our road together will not be met again.

“Old man Adley’s device,” I murmured on the brink of realizing what was going on. ” I’ve left the HED on, haven’t I?” The Holographic Environment Device recreated a very realistic background by reshaping the molecules of a specially designed room according to the recordings downloaded in its program. After it’s turned on, it monitors the human pulse, brainwave, perspiration and breathing, choosing an appropriate recording for the realtime designated action. In my case, sleep.

” Spot on,” you concluded in a fake victorious tone, that irritated me a bit, as if you would expect of me to be slow in making the right connections. I subvocalized a command to the computer, and the room started to come back to normal, shifting it’s shape to fit  the natural one, that being my bedroom.

“I miss you” I said, now that your body lingered no more next to me. You must have switched off your terminal since silence was the only replica I received; you always did that. I got up from the floor and traced the tiles out of the room, towards the library. People were fussing round and about, but I only felt them move as my gaze was directed downwards, focusing on that one single line.

Vantul ne va purta

Sunt atatea ceruri in mine,
Toate topite din lumanari albastre,
Le-ai aprins cu maini tremurande
Cand noaptea sub livezi de nuci verzi
Navigam cu ochii deschisi galioane spaniole

Am inchis atatea secrete in tine
De care nici tu nu stii
Le-am impartit pe toate in extreme
Sa le cauti in varfuri de degete,
Si cand imi gasesti buzele,
-sa le simti

Sunt atatea limbi in cerul gurii mele
Care se invart incontinuu in ceas
Timpul meu nu vindeca ranile
Si nu invie mortii
Timpul meu e o harta s-un compas

Visele mele se ciocnesc in reactii chimice,
In maruntaie de racheta interspatiala
Se proiecteaza cursiv ca sirul lui Fibonacci
Pe retele de triunghiuri matematice
In jurul lui Pi e o completa relatie

Sunt atatea spasme de viata in mine
Cand asfalturile incandescente ale noptii
Seamana cu luminile lui Saturn
As vrea sa ne mai ninga pe orbite, iubire
Sa navigam pe coloane de fum in jos si in sus

Tigarile ni s-au stins in rafale de vant
Cand turbinele motoarelor cu propulsie
Ne-au impins departe in gand
Elada reluata e doar o iluzie
O holograma stupida, nimic mai mult

Pe noi nu ne despart uragane
Suntem fii unor vremuri atemporale
Drogati pe plaje caraibiene
Sub focuri si rom si trabucuri cubaneze
Transcendem moartea, suntem spirite libere

-Timpul meu e un portal, un arc magnetic aurit
Traverseaza sub forma de cometa universala
Un univers in graba incropit-

Sunt atatea lumi in mine
Sunt atatea razboaie in mine
Dar nu sunt atatea limbi in lumea mea
Sa-ti spuna cat te iubesc.

Aristera//Dexia

Oare cei ce traiesc in miezul noptii
sunt cu adevarat morti?
//sau cei ce umbla strazile
cu adevarat singuratici
Oare daca mai infig un ac in degete
durerea nu mai doare?
//sau poate daca imi sterg memoria
corpul meu isi va aduce aminte

si pietrele au sentimente, cand
calci pe ele mai usor sau apasat
ele aduna din tine mereu,
legand drumuri ca lungi metraje
regizate de un elefant

lucesc in noapte cand cei singuri calca
lucesc in zi cand mortii zambesc
// oare cum erau inainte de cei
ce infig ace in maini moarte si singuratice?

imi spun zilnic ca sunt vie si traiesc,
ca las in urma un drum
pe care l-au suferit si altii

Filotic, vorbind

>> hai sa ne legam de maini si de picioare
in cercuri concentrice,
cand riturile scotiene dezvaluie un soare
mistic ce emana lumini verzi, efervescente

Tomarul ne asteapta la colturi de pod
cand prin labirinturi catacombice
mortii ne sufla istoria, Planul
tu sa aprinzi cu el flacara din
balonul nostru, el cunoaste miscarile subterane

vom curge din umbrele in ploi
ca lava pe pamanturile africane,
prin varfurile degetelor spirite sa ne patrunda
cand corabiile toate se scufunda
in abis, in oceane

Sa ne trezim in mijlocul lumii,
unde nimicul e lumea
si lumea e a lor,
desculti, cu sufletele vandute
sa recladim caramida cu caramida
castele medievale, cu ale lor secrete tacute
cand peretii au ochii sticlosi
iar tablourile timpane ascutite

In geruri sa sculptam oameni,
cu voci rasunand din genune
sa marcheze numarul nostru de pasi
in ciment cu carbune
fiindca noi zambim,
lasam ridurile sa se adune

nu ne e frica de noi,
ne e frica de lume, de ei
de tine, de voi si de ei si de ele
de visele ce raman doar vise
si de pasii reali dintre ele <<

Romance

White flowers, little butterflies
Surrounding lonely Juliet,
Sad and broken gazing at the sky
Wondering why,
Romeo had left

Her lips were red,
her dress the same
she was floating on the river bed
her poisoned blood knew the blame
Oh, die my darling Juliet

The voices of the dead swam along
Whispering her to sleep
The fairytale went awfully wrong
She was left fading into the deep

Die, darling Juliet
your world is turning to gray
with love you’ve lost the bet
he left, you cannot stay

Nowhere, daydreaming.

The curtain was moving frantically in the chilly wind that was entering my room through the ajar window, falsely caressing my exposed skin, sending shivers throughout my body. On the verge of daybreak, the outside world was murky in shades of grey-ish blue, mottled, presenting a coarse stone-like texture. It felt as if I was looking at an old, rough picture that somebody had pinned to my window pane while I was sound asleep. I blinked sleepily, trying to remove the dim sight sensation that mornings bring upon my eyes, though the deceit was less since the sky was clouded and heavy with embryonic rain drops, unceasing to grow til time came for them to be pushed mercilessly into the outward dry land, where they would crash to the ground and merge into a slippery, wet road. A road that starts and leads to nowhere.

*

Who is me, the girl with wavy red hair, husky eyes and never fading smile, or so some say. Where is a lonely place, similar to the empty spot that lays on both my sides,  just a pavement walked by people from everywhere.

I tucked my cerulean butterfly bow inside my apron and waited, for them to come after me. Beaming sunlight shone on my face warming me up from the inside out, playing piano strings in tone with my resignation. It was going to be a horrible day, and it was everything like deja-vu.

______________________________________

I couldn’t breathe and my shirt was stuck to me, wet from the humidity that hung into the air, stinging my skin. The collar felt like a snake that was tangling around my neck, trying desperately to suffocate me as slowly as possible. Weariness was taking over my limbs and my head endured an agitated bee hive like swirl, making it impossible for me to keep my balance. Pain shot like small needles through my abdomen, I took in gasps of air and in the delusion I burst out laughing. My imagination was taking tolls on which games to play, doctor was the one chosen, and evisceration was the lesson of the day. My face became expressionless and in seconds I collapsed to the alabaster floor; someone was singing me to sleep, sweet lullabies.

*

When is a little tricky as I have neither a watch nor can I distinguish days between them. A burning sunset scourged the horizon, igniting the sea in breathtaking hues like replicas of demonic wraiths. Wednesdays have a beautiful dusk, yes, it was a Wednesday and the sea was bubbling with white rage, splashing against the floating dock. Hours passed by but the image of it was like a Polaroid, an instant, tranquility at first sight, my muscles relaxed and my smile was once again the frank expression of my feelings. I felt like my worries were melting in front of their warm, kind faces. What is a question that I expanded adding am I doing here?; the answer was 42, the question was wrong again.

*

Your voice felt soothing and new, a breeze of cold, fresh air that wouldn’t last for long, but which I desperately needed. I went home that night, singing myself to sleep, cause I closed my eyes but the lyrics where echoing in my skull, bouncing off tips made of fairy dust; wonderful but short-lived. I dreamt dreams of unrequited love; on the winding road there were blinding lights, and as you drove upwards I watched the moon bathe the sea in silver. You touched my cheek, you smiled, you looked away. I wore a red vintage dress in a world of gray.

“-They call it a supernova, this explosion of stars, it outshines the galaxy then it just fades away.”
“-What’s a black hole?”
“-No, that’s the collapse of stars.”

Why I am barefoot and why I have the desire to be stripped of clothes but be reunited with my black velvet shoes is a craving for freedom; liberty of the soul, so I could stand tall and cold. Obliterate.

*

Who is me, the girl with wavy red hair, blue eyes and honest smile. Where is anywhere but here despite how much of somewhere it seems. When is the first of autumn. What is a sick display of soul innards. Why is because I miss you.

Slept so long without you.

Chasing a wish.

I ran and ran, through fields of wheat,
Searching for a dry and soothing wind,
My gaze fell upon a small child;
-she seemed to weep.

Her small, red dress was shifting with her chest,
up and down in the field of light-gold grain,
the world was shut and still
pulsating with her breath.

I ran and ran through fields of wheat,
the winds were blowing desolate and shrill
I wish, somehow I’d taken the umbrella,
to shield your blue eyes from the rain

The world was shut and still,
since you’ve lost your way
Ruin lives and walls decay
in the house up on the hill.

There is nothing more to say,
as your innocence will soon have perished
in the house up on the hill
the clock shudders, striking life away.

I wish, somehow, I’d taken the umbrella
your fingers clutched to mine, telling me to stay
I ran and ran through fields of wheat
our petite bodies struggling not to go astray.

The door stood open, bleak winds blowing through,
floor boards were shrieking under our feet
I saw a pale red figure pass by and then sit
I tried to catch it, my hand slipped in and out of you.

The world was shut and still,
and the great mirror reflected it so,
a smile, and my spine experienced a thrill;
floor boards were shrieking under my feet.

I ran and ran through fields of wheat;
too far from the house up on the hill,
got lost in promises I swore to keep;
far from the child ghost that
looks down from upon my bedroom sill.

Wires, heels and daydreaming.

The bulb was swinging calmly like a pendulum, describing paths of light in the dim room; my eyes were gazing at it, as if it possessed some kind of  ludicrous power that engulfed them. A swift movement of your body broke the spell and I found myself not able to realize what was happening. You started to pick up your clothes from wherever lust threw them earlier, trying to dress up in the same time; I could count the seconds it would take for you to ask me where your wallet and car keys were, it was all another dejá-vu.

I sat there, leaning backwards on my arms, staring through the half-opened blinds at the crack of dawn; light orange strips papered the grey-ish blue sky that peered behind the buildings.  Cement structures covered the rest of my sight, so I couldn’t see the sunrise, it was a long time since I last paid attention to small things like that. You were half-way through pulling your pants up when I decided to say something.

“You said you will stay with me today…”, I murmured while pulling the sheets away, revealing my bare legs. It wasn’t much of a surprise, but I hoped you would keep your promise at least once, and this time we didn’t even drink our morning coffee. I let out a sigh, my gaze fixed yet again on the outside world and the awakening that was taking place inside buildings and on the streets; the sky was now a clear pale blue and rays of sun penetrated my bedroom, laying down strips of light and comfortable warmth on my bed and my body. I felt you move towards me so I moved my head and looked up, you buckled your belt then bent down to kiss me, but did not do so. Instead, words came out from your mouth, your lips brushing against my cheek giving me an electric shiver.

“I need the shirt, and you know I can’t stay, maybe we will have the evening for us. Dinner, my place, 8 o’clock “

I nodded, though it wasn’t a question, but a statement. You did not back away but pressed your lips against mine into a passionate kiss, and I felt hands stripping my shoulders and chest of  the  white cloth that didn’t belong to me, but of which I did not want to let go.

” There’s a clean one on the hanger, inside the wardrobe; open the last door and you’ll see it there. I’ll give this back next time” , I said, still hanging on to the kiss.  Your body shifted away without a word, so I watched as the other shirt covered the right and left hands, flowing on the muscles naturally. It was back on its owner in the end, and although the collar was a bit wrong, I did not get up to fix it this time, knowingly, you arranged it.

You stopped and turned slightly to face me, your hand on the doorknob, trying to sketch a smile that didn’t seem to fit your face at that moment.

“Your eyes are glowing. Beautiful.” , you said in a low, soft voice that kindled my senses. In a split second, the man that I loved all those nights left the apartment, and my desire to stay… along with him.

I got up, and walked unsteady down the hall, crossing the living room towards the kitchen; the place was unnaturally tidy, but as I recalled when I saw the dishes in the sink, I cleaned it up, setting it for a romantic dinner. My head felt heavy, state linked to the empty bottle of red wine that laid on the carpet, next to the coffee table’s foot. I took out my special inlaid mug from the cupboard and put inside it coffee and sugar, added hot water from the electric kettle and some cold milk; with it steaming I slid the balcony door open and then rested it on the iron handrail.

It would be the last morning I would sip my coffee on that small terrace, dreaming away to new paths of tomorrow.

Footsteps, heels and daydreaming.

The door gave way to repeated blows .

You just needed to knock in the secret password and I would have opened it without any hesitation. I clutched my fingers to the doorknob. I wanted to, but staggered in fear knowing that tears streamed down your face; felt them jitter to the floor, my body was connecting to everything that touched you, trying to pull itself together and read your anger and frustration, to find a reason to why you projected them against my apartment door.

I could hear them loud and clear through the silent night that fell around these walls. Everything, that surrounded what I could see of me, was in pitch black so I was confined only to my hearing. You took in gasps of air as your body was getting tired under the chaotic movements that were assigned to it; the banging sound stopped for a few seconds to be replaced by the voice of a person that seemed to come from beyond this world.

” You knew…, and yet you said nothing. ” the words came flowing smooth and cold from behind the 5 inch thick door, plunging sharply into my mind. It was true, I was aware, but knew you would run off  into the woods like a wolf does when it waits for the ending.

Nothing is forever just because you believed it to be so.

” Why? ” came the question along with the first beat of the new wave.

Remember those days when nothing used to bother us, when we made that promise? My chapter will be finished soon, are you sure you want it to end like this? My thoughts were swirling  creating a reversed eye of the storm, calm on the outside, raging with memories on the inside, filling up with different auras.

My face smiled, and as it did the storm calmed down, softened along with the muscles, keeping things of the past floating on top waiting to be collected, like photographs immersed in water trays located in a darkroom. I let my grip loosen and my fingers gently touched the frame, then slowly backed away from the scene. I lay on the armchair, which inspite of my temporary blindness, managed to find by groping.

The screen played bits and pieces all over again. It was him and her, and even though I knew the lines perfectly, I listened carefully like they were spoken for the first time.

” Darling, you can have me. Just climb those stairs and walk the corridor “, she said moving her lips away, brushing her cheek against his in the process of the seductive retreat.

Indeed you did, spirals, mazes and breakdowns did not affect your desire, now they have driven you to a bed that yields pity, I rejected that substituting it with my own version. That’s why I couldn’t tell you, this body needs to be loved and caressed along with it’s soul not frailty, just like before.

He gave her a pair of  lolita type, black, high heeled pair of shoes that turned on the mood, and a song to match. Black velvet, please.

Electric.

With a loud bang the door crashed to the floor, letting in some of the light that was lingering outside, on the hall. Your figure stood there, pale, abashed, like a ghost that foretold a grim future. I moved closer, you didn’t budge, still like a rock, waiting for me to say something.

The you I embraced was trembling. There was no need to say it. You know I did, I never stopped.